who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
