I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
