did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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