Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
