I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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