haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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