So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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