uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
