idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
