No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Come on in and take your pants off
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