well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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