I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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