I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
