we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
