I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
