but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
