yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
