Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So vagazzling was a success
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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