Pappa wants mamma naked
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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