i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
well you can't waste a boner
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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