im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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