Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
