Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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