she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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