I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
