can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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