Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
