Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
