My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
