my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
