i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
