You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
