Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
