have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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