So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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