we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
