I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
