i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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