For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
