oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
