go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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