Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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