lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
