roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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