a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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