My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
