Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There r osticjed everywhere
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
