Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
