i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
