what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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