ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize