I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just sent this text using only my big toe
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize