If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
