do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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