Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize