Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
