I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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