I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
