Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
