it glows. i had to have it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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