So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
