You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
