He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
