Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
