Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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