he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
