I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
