anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
