Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drunk is not a location!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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