I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
