So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
