This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
