there was a trapeze. enough said
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
