I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
this is an emotional support booty call
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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