is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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